Ice Sculptures
by sweetmisery10
Summary: A post season 7 finale short story. Paige and Phoebe explore what it truly means to be free of a destiny.


AN: This is a little AU short that takes place after "Something Wicca this way Goes". It gets a little dark and angsty at the end, so be forewarned. Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated but not required.

**Ice Sculptures **

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change." Charles Darwin

Phoebe's rhythmic footsteps echoed loudly off the sidewalk as she slowly traced the familiar route of her homeward journey. With a deep, satisfyingly drawn out breath Phoebe relaxed her shoulders and retreated in the comfort of a whole uninterrupted hour to herself. The hot sticky night air was doing nothing to alleviate the smell of rotting garbage and urine that was a consistent element of the backstreet alleyways bu tPhoebe trudged on barely aware of the sweat beading heavily on her forehead. San Francisco had always been hot in the summer but with the claustrophobic architecture of the city and an apartment void of air conditioning, New York City brought on new level of discomfort. Phoebe's ten-hour shift had been particularly slow today, partially because of the record-breaking heat wave but mostly because of the oppressing monotony of her job as a waitress in Lou's diner. Phoebe watched each customer with a certain amount of jealousy; everyone had somewhere to go and someone to see. Within the endless hours she endured on her feet pandering to every demanding customer's needs Phoebe had come to the realization that the despair that filled her waking hours simply stemmed from the purposelessness of her life. It wasn't that Phoebe was envious of the customers' seemingly perfect lives but rather that she was resentful of her own unimportance. She knew she was just another face in a crowd of nameless waitresses that were forgotten the tides of everyday living. Quite simply, Phoebe was a nobody. Of course that feeling of anonymity was exactly why the sisters had relocated to New York in the first place, and Phoebe reasoned with herself for the hundredth time that she should be proud of their successful assimilation into the underbelly of the American society. .

* * *

Paige lay silently on the fire escape and refused to move an inch when she heard the front door open, burglars be damned. The rusty metal was pressing painfully into Paige's back, etching a criss-crossed imprint onto her sticky skin through her thin cotton t-shirt. The air was no longer unbearably humid, but the metal fire escape, just like the sidewalks and the handles of doors remained warm to the touch, unwelcome aftershocks of the blistering daytime heat. The thick polluted air still weighed heavily on her chest and Paige knew that she was in for another sleepless night on the fire escape wrapped in a cold wet towel.

She sighed for no specific reason and went back to starring at the sky above her illuminated by skyscrapers, light pollution and a barely visible full moon. Paige missed the stars. She missed trees. She missed the waves. However, she missed the feeling of being grounded most of all, nothing could ease Paige's mind like her bare feet in cold, damp earth. Even the simplicity of silence was lost in this new life, within a single moment of time she could identify the sound of the subway line running directly under their building, the loud pulsating music from apartment 2B, a child crying from somewhere above her, sirens in the distance, yelling from the building across the road and a dog barking. Day in and day out Paige's senses were constantly ambushed, and she operated on fading line of sanity. It did not matter how many times Piper, Leo and Phoebe reminded her that her powers were bound to eliminate magical detection, Paige was instinctively ready for an attack at any time. She knew that a great deal of her unease originated from the many years she spent living independently from her sisters, alone and responsible for protecting herself. Her body's constant vigilance was beginning to take its toll on her health, two days ago she developed a chesty cough and the day before that she had a dizzy spell for the first time in nine years.

Startlingly, Phoebe's face appeared above her and Paige's mind jerked back into complete mental awareness. Her rapid heartbeat rippled across her skin in small tremors and she strained to remain visibly composed under Phoebe's piercing gaze.

"Are you okay? You look pale." Phoebe paused as she sat down and rested her back against the rough brick wall, "well paler than usual." Paige shrugged silently and went back to staring at the sky. Phoebe threw her head back in response to her sister's coldness and pursed her lips silently; it was in moments like this that she wished for her empathy powers back more than anything. Throughout the last four years Paige's emotions had been easy for her to read and Phoebe had simply assumed that the connection was so strong because of their bond as sisters and not because of her powers. It was now becoming extraordinarily apparent that Phoebe was mistaken. Now even Paige's simplest actions were baffling and Phoebe had no idea how to approach her sister and her stubborn silence, this was new territory for both of them and Phoebe felt the anguish of their childhood separation by a tenfold. Piper's complete breakdown after losing her sons and subsequent estrangement from her sisters didn't help any. Paige was all Phoebe had left in the world and as Phoebe watched her little sister's blank face, she might not even have that. With one dejected sigh Phoebe pulled her thoughts together and moved to open the frosty ice cream container she had brought outside with her.

"Dinner's served," Phoebe said with a strained smile as she passed Paige a spoon, "the freezer's broken again."

Paige nodded in acknowledgement and took a spoonful into her mouth. The awkward lack of conversation stretched on and Paige soon opened her mouth in defeat, "how was work?"

"Long and boring. I swear men get hornier every day." Phoebe said as she stretched her legs out in front of her, relaxing in  
to the recognizable verbal routine. It was easier when they both pretended everything was back to normal. "When did you get home?"

"About nine thirty. They gave me three hours of overtime." Phoebe nodded and tried not to show her concern at the fifteen-hour shift Paige had pulled lifting boxes of shampoo at the warehouse. It was true that they needed the money and Paige's job paid well, much better than Phoebe's and about as good as an under the table job could pay, but the hours were horrendous.

"Piper and Leo went out when I got home." Paige said as she pulled her legs in towards her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Phoebe nodded and continued to lick the chocolate ice cream off her spoon. Over the last few weeks the grieving couple had developed the tendency to disappear mysteriously for entire nights. Leo had claimed that they felt safer outside in the veil of darkness but all three sisters knew that Piper was simply avoiding Paige and Phoebe.

She just…" Phoebe paused not really knowing how she could finish the sentence to make Paige understand, "she needs some time."

"I know. I just miss her. I want to help but my presence just makes her more upset." Paige replied as she rested her head on the top of her knees, turning her eyes towards the night sky once again. Phoebe smiled sadly and glanced inside the empty apartment, her eyes lingering on a small picture of Chris and Wyatt secretly pinned to the back corner of the fridge.

"I think that she blames us for what happened." Phoebe said a moment later. Paige remained eerily still for a moment as Phoebe's confession disappeared into the loud siren that torn through the street below them.

"She doesn't blame us, she blames herself for choosing us over them." Paige paused and bit her lip, quickly turning back to scan Phoebe's eyes for any semblance of understanding. She saw noneand continued, "she regrets it, and then regrets regretting it and feels twice as guilty. We overwhelm her and she can't deal with the fact that as long as she's with us, she can't be with them." Paige finished quietly. She could not tell if it was clouds, light pollution or smog, but the moon had disappeared from her view of the black sky leaving a large unsettling orange glow in its place. She hugged her legs a little tighter and sighed silently.

Phoebe felt the tears on her face before she realized she was crying, the pain of her sister's words penetrating her mind and leaving her speechless. Denial came first, quickly followed by anger and soon Phoebe could do nothing but sit back and close her eyes in overpowering sorrow. Everything was moving so fast, her thoughts were far too outrageous and powerful to be real. Believing that Piper was mad at her was causing Phoebe a substantial amount of emotional distress, but learning that she was inflicting Piper with pain she was powerless to stop was absolutely heart wrenching. Phoebe understood Piper's torture as a mother, and yet somehow she was insanely crushed by the thought that Piper wanted Wyatt and Chris more than her. Since Prue's death Phoebe and Piper had relied on each other completely, what one needed the other one could give. They faced demons, ex-husbands, pregnancies and the formation of a new family together, side by side. It was now that Phoebe understood that Piper no longer needed that intensity in their bond. Phoebe couldn't provide what Piper required and the realization that she was no longer the most important person in Piper's life hit her hard. She was so lost in her thoughts that she barely noticed as Paige crawled over to her and wrapped her arm around Phoebe's shoulders.

"I'm sorry." Paige whispered in Phoebe's ear and the quiet sounds of Paige's uneven breathing brought Phoebe back to herself. She could feel Paige's ratty t-shirt brushing against her wet cheeks and she smiled through her tears.

"I love you." Phoebe whispered faintly as she rested her head on her sister's shoulder. Paige hugged her sister a little tighter, unnerved by Phoebe's rapid transformation to a tranquil state.

"I love you too." She said as she rested her forehead on Phoebe's sweaty one. Phoebe closed her eyes overcome with exhaustion and relaxed into the embrace while Paige went back to observing her empty sky.

* * *

A few minutes later Phoebe's left foot began to fall asleep and she opened her eyes grudgingly, shifting her weight around. Paige turned to look at her sister's fidgety movements and smiled at her sleepy expression, expertly moving so that Phoebe's head ended up in the safety of her lap. Phoebe glanced up to thank her but Paige had already turned back to looking up to where the stars should have been. Paige ran her hand through her sister's hair absentmindedly and Phoebe lay silently watching the complicated emotions play across Paige's tired features. Paige sighed quietly and there was no mistaking the misery that danced in her eyes.

"Paige?"

"Hmm?" Paige muttered distractedly before turning her attention toward Phoebe's worried face.

"What's wrong?" Phoebe asked as she slowly untangled herself from her sister and sat up.

"Nothing, go back to sleep." Paige said with a smile, a smile that Phoebe could see through easily enough, empathy powers or no.

"Please tell me." Phoebe asked as she reached out to hold her sister's hand. Paige jerked back from the contact, but not quickly enough as Phoebe raised her eyebrow. "You're shaking."

"I'm just cold." Paige said with an aggravated sigh, once again pulling her legs up to her chest.

"Liar." Phoebe challenged with an unwavering glare,"you weren't shaking a minute ago." Paige slumped against the railing and shuffled her barefoot against the metal grate.

"I don't want to talk about it Pheebs."

Phoebe closed her eyes and tottered on a line she had never crossed with Paige. She refused to give herself the time to doubt her instincts and she took a quick deep breath before shifting closer to her sister. "Tell me." Paige shook her head defiantly and turned back to her sky gazing."Come on Paige, I just want to help." Phoebe insisted as she cast a worried glance at Paige's defensive form, now pressed into the corner of the wall and the railing of the fire escape. "Talk to me?"

Paige held her breath as she felt Phoebe slowly edging her way towards her. With each inch Phoebe moved Paige slipped farther and farther away from the world she knew as her palms broke out into a clammy sweat. Phoebe was already to close, too invading. 'It's just Phoebe. Just Phoebe.' Paige repeated the mantra over and over in her mind wishing it was that simple.

"Paige." Phoebe tried with more force as Paige continued to ignore her. She was now close enough to timidly reach out and place her hand on her sister's shoulder.

Paige's body went rigid as Phoebe made contact and she could do nothing but close her eyes as adrenaline flooded her senses. Before Paige could even process her full-blown panic attack Phoebe's arms wrapped claustrophobically around Paige's torso. Paige's single breath caught in her throat and she violently shoved Phoebe away, springing to her feet and throwing herself through the apartment window. Paige's sudden momentum took Phoebe by surprise and she slammed her back against the rough brick wall as Paige pushed past her. Phoebe sat in stunned silence for a moment before she pulled herself of the ground in frantic pursuit of her sister.

Paige stumbled towards the door without any consideration of where she was going or that she was only wearing boxers and her rapidly disintergrating oversize t-shirt.. She needed a tree to climb or an ocean to wade in.

"Paige wait!" Phoebe called out as she watched Paige's hand make contact with the doorknob. Paige instantly froze and Phoebe watched in concern as Paige's body shuddered violently. "Wait." Phoebe repeated softly. Paige remained motionless and Phoebe took a calming breath. "I'm sorry, I won't touch you again."

Phoebe paused nervously, waiting for any type of reaction. The gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach grew as Paige remained completely motionless. "I don't know what's wrong but I promise that I'll do all I can to help." Phoebe said as she looked around the bare apartment helplessly. "Paige." Phoebe's voice wavered. "You're scaring me. I'm worried, please talk to me. We don't have to talk about what's wrong or what happened." Phoebe watched intently as Paige's hand slowly pulled away from the door handle and dropped to her side. "You can trust me." Phoebe said softly and Paige crumbled to her knees with her back to Phoebe. Phoebe rushed forward instinctively, then immediately skidded to a halt just before she reached her sister. Paige spun around in a panic and edged backwards, eventually huddling against the door with her eyes clenched shut. Phoebe instantly dropped to her knees and remained still as she watched Paige's silent tears pool on the floor. "Paige…" Phoebe whispered and Paige slowly opened her eyes to make eye contact, "let me help you?

Paige nodded, finally letting out a noisy sob and Phoebe crawled a little bit closer before sitting on the back of her heels. "Can I hold you now?" It was less of a question and more of a plea, but Paige nodded anyway. Phoebe instantly reached out and grabbed on to her little sister, pulling them both into a heap on the floor. Paige and Phoebe lay facing each other, legs and hands tangled together, silent and undisturbed by time. Paige fought her rapid heart beat pounding in her ears and she could feel her mind swimming in semi-consciousness, her body no longer strong enough to guard itself from the world. Paige felt the familiar spasm rippling through her chest and she attempted to sit up in a desperate attempt to prevent what she knew was coming. Paige was only vaguely aware of the strain in her breathing as Phoebe's concerned brown eyes locked with her own. Paige attempted to take a deep breath of reassurance but was catastrophically thrown into a violent cough instead. Paige threw her head between her knees forcefully as she willed air to fill her empty lungs, trying desperately to hold onto the world that swam around her. After another three minutes of absolute agony Paige's wheezing passed and she was left breathing heavily face down on the floor, her hand still tightly interlinked with Phoebe's. Phoebe slowly rolled Paige back onto her side and searched her face intensely.

"You need a doctor Paige."

"I'm fine."

"You're anything but fine." Paige looked up at Phoebe and opened her mouth to argue when Phoebe placed her hand in front of it. "You are not fine." Phoebe restated with absolute authority. Paige dropped her head back to the ground and sighed deeply, remaining tense in Phoebe's loose embrace.

"I'm about to crash," Paige stopped as she looked up into her sister's confused eyes. "And I don't want you to be around to see it."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm lost, everything I knew is gone." Paige paused and rolled over so she could stare at the paint peeling on the ceiling. "I don't deal with change very well, there's been too much of it in my life. My parents were my everything growing up, they kept me grounded while I dealt with being abandoned and adopted." A single tear traced its way down Paige's cheek and Phoebe carefully wiped it away. "When they died I had nothing to hold on to. I fell Phoebe, I fell so hard. There's months I can't account for. I still have marks from the needles and the drunken accidents, scars from the self-mutilation. I wasn't even aware of being myself, I had no control over my actions." Paige sighed as she checked on Phoebe and her unusual silence. Her sister's face remained emotionless and Paige turned her attention back to the ceiling. "Well then I found Glenn and held on as tightly as I could. He brought me back and set my life straight again, with a promise to always be there for me. And he was. Always. Even when I'd show up at his place at four in the morning. Even when I'd lose control and deck him. Even when I constantly went back to my old habits and had to start to heal all over again." Paige wiped her tears with the back of her hand and smiled. "I loved him with everything I had, but more importantly I knew he loved me no matter what."

"I know he still does." Phoebe interjected quietly after watching the small smile disappear from Paige's face.

"Me too. But I'm dead to him, remember?" Phoebe gave her sister a sympathetic look but Paige shrugged. "We grew apart anyway. I mean I still love him and we'll always be best friends but I had my thing and he had his. And I…" Paige paused and looked up at Phoebe guiltily. "I started to depend on Piper for stability. I mean, I loved you just as much but we fought about Cole, and then you went evil and soon we both got sidetracked by our love lives and careers. Piper was different, she was like a rock I could seek comfort in. It wasn't like we even had an affectionate relationship, I doubt she even knew how important she was to me. But she was always there and she was always going to be my sister." Paige sniffed loudly catching Phoebe by surprise. "That is until we got here. I know she still cares…somewhere." Paige ignored the look Phoebe gave her and continued, "but she's not here and I have nothing left to keep me sane. I was hardly even together when I met you guys four years ago…" Paige paused and hesitantly looked over at her sister, "just two months sober."

Phoebe's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped in surprise. "What? But you said three years." Paige smiled sheepishly.

"Well…I lied. We had enough to deal with without my problems complicating things."

"But Paige we could have helped. We could have gone to meetings. We surely wouldn't have gone to P3 all the time…" Phoebe trailed off as Paige shook her head forcefully.

"It wouldn't have worked. You two barely tolerated my uncomplicated presence as it was. I had to face that alone anyway, it was my battle to fight."

"I still say we could have helped." Phoebe said stubbornly.

"It doesn't matter." Paige shrugged and sat up with her hand still connected to Phoebe's. A distant expression re-entered her features and she started to pull the loose strings from her shirt once again. "Once I found out I part of the power of three I put everything on hold in my life. Magic and demons were who I was, I was a witch and I had a job to do. Now it's gone I've realized that I used it as a distraction from everything in my life." Paige lay down again. "I don't know who I am." Paige paused one more time before closing her eyes. "And I'm dangerous right now.

"Alcohol?" Phoebe asked as moved up beside her sister.

"And so many other self-destructive behaviors that I can't control." Phoebe nodded and waited for Paige to continue. "I'm getting really close to falling back into the place where the world has no meaning."

"You're not falling Paige, you're just disorientated." Paige shook her head violently.

"I already fell."

Phoebe took a breath and pulled her sister towards her. "What do you mean?"

"I drank last Tuesday." Paige opened her eyes and rolled over to face her sister. "Binge drank."

"What?" Phoebe asked with surprise. "but you were at work…and acted fine…and…" Phoebe trailed off watching her sister's blank face. "What happened?"

"Nothing terribly exciting." Phoebe's gaze remained heavily on her sister and Paige sighed, "A lot of Tequila shots, a blacked out one night stand and one hell of a headache the next day."

"You did all of that last Tuesday? Then somehow managed to get yourself home in time to pretend you'd been there all night without any of us noticing?"

Paige shrugged and went back to watching the peeling ceiling paint. "It wasn't all that hard, you're always half asleep in the mornings, Leo leaves for work before we even get up and Piper, well Piper doesn't notice anything these days."

"Paige, this is big. This is…" Phoebe shook her head in disbelief. "I don't know what it is, but I know that it's not good. We need to get you help." Paige rolled over on to her stomach and rested her forehead on the cold floor.

"First of all, help means a personal connection to a stranger and that's something we can't risk right now. And Secondly I've tried it all before, nothing is going to work. I just…I need to go away while I sort everything out for myself."

"No way, you're not leaving my sight for a long time." Paige snorted in amusement.

"You can't be with me all the time."

"Well I'm going to try."

"Phoebe." Paige lifted her head up and met her sister's defiant glare. "It's not going to help. I'm unstable. I have no control over my reflexes and I can hardly tell my dreams from reality anymore. One dog bark and I'll have complete mental breakdown. My mind will be the next thing to go and then I'll be beyond any type of rational thought. I know you love me but you don't' want to be around to watch, you won't be able to handle it."

"Paige you have no idea what I can or can't handle." Phoebe lent against the wall and stared Paige down. "You might think you know me, but you never knew the Phoebe who existed before Prue died. I had no direction or purpose in my life. I tried a lot of things to try to find my place in the world, including…" Phoebe gave Paige a hard look, "running away to New York. It didn't do anything but isolate me from everything I needed. So I went back to my sisters and discovered my magical roots, and just like you I made it my identity." Phoebe paused to give Paige a weak smile. "We were so special Paige, we had a destiny to save the world. Do you know what that felt like to someone like me? I had no education, no lasting relationships, no talents, no future, nothing but the ability to fuck up everything I touched. Being a charmed one saved me. I was important for the first time in my life. I mattered not only to my sisters, but to the entire world." Phoebe gave a short sigh before continuing. "But that's all gone now. Now, I'm not a Halliwell. Not a witch. Not a hero. Not the ex-queen of evil. Not even Piper and Prue's troublesome kid sister. I'm just Phoebe, and I'm as lost as you are."

For the first time since she arrived in New York Paige heard nothing but her own persistent heartbeat. All that was left in her world was Phoebe's dark eyes. Paige could feel each of Phoebe's fingers separately pressing deeply into Paige's palm, drawing out the bond they shared. The warm blood dripped down Paige's sweatshirt sleeve, instantly disappearing into the fabric as if it was never there at all. But it was.

"Piper and Glenn were strong enough to hold you together, but I'm not." Phoebe whispered as she crawled forwards.

"I don't want you to be." Paige said as she continued to hold Phoebe's gaze. "Do you know what I'm asking?"

Phoebe nodded slowly, pulling Paige into her arms. "I don't have the power to protect you, but I understand you."

"You're sure? This isn't just a good time and a some depression, I'm going to be completely gone." Paige pulled Phoebe's free arm around her stomach, sinking into the rhythmic fall and rise of her sister's chest.

"I don't want to be alone, and I don't want you to be alone. You're all I have left, and I'm sure as hell not letting go. I wish I could hope for you to get better, I wish that we didn't have to live in poverty and die of heat and not exist to anyone but ourselves, but its all we have. I love you and you mean everything in the world to me. If you're going down, I'm coming with you." Paige watched the blood twist it's way down Phoebe's bare arm.

"Okay."

"Okay." Phoebe repeated as she intertwined her leg with Paige's and pulled her closer. Paige slowly unlinked her blood-stained hand and reached into her sweatshirt pocket, removing a bag of white pills. She gently placed two pills in Phoebe's palm, ignoring the pool of blood that they landed in, before throwing the rest on top of her tongue. She rolled over and faced Phoebe, landing nose to nose.

"See you on the other side."


End file.
